


waterloo

by middlecyclone



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-25 08:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16193870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/middlecyclone/pseuds/middlecyclone
Summary: “A Napoleon Ruining History?” Ryan asks, skeptical. “Really?”“Yeah,” Shane says, and he’s not trying to be defensive but if Unsolved is Ryan’s baby, Ruining History is his, and so a little bit of it creeps into his voice despite himself. “I think it’ll be good. Why? What’s wrong with it?”“Even I know who Napoleon is,” Ryan says. “Don’t you usually go for more, like, obscure events?”





	waterloo

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by Shane's ABBAtastic dance moves in Ryan's insta story the other day, and directly inspired by all the filthy enablers in the Shyan discord. You know who you are.

**_My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender_ **

“A Napoleon Ruining History?” Ryan asks, skeptical. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Shane says, and he’s not trying to be defensive but if Unsolved is Ryan’s baby, Ruining History is his, and so a little bit of it creeps into his voice despite himself. “I think it’ll be good. Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“Even I know who Napoleon is,” Ryan says. “Don’t you usually go for more, like, obscure events?”

“Everyone thinks they know about Napoleon, but they barely cover him in most American high school history classes,” Shane says. “Come on, how much of your Napoleon knowledge are you actually sure about, and how much is just cultural osmosis from _Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure_?”

Ryan is silent. Shane knows that that means he is at least a little bit right.

“Do I _have_ to be in this one?” Ryan asks, not-quite whining but also, a little bit, whining.

“Yes,” Shane says. “You have to be in all of them.”

♬♬♬

**_Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way_ **

He needs Ryan to be in every episode of Ruining History because the fans love their dynamic and the fans give them clicks. Shane has accepted the fact that without Ryan around to play off his personality, nobody really likes him all that much—or at least, nobody likes him enough to watch a YouTube series for him.

When Ryan is there it’s a completely different story, and Shane is not too proud to take advantage of that.

But if he had to admit it, he would say that maybe going viral for Buzzfeed isn’t his only motivation here. He maybe, possibly, also has the world’s tiniest, subtlest, most in-control crush.

But really, it’s for the viewers. That’s it.

That’s all.

♬♬♬

**_The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself_ **

Filming is fun, not least because Shane had previously spent forty-five glorious minutes devoted exclusively to prepping short Napoleon jokes to use on Ryan, and now has a full three pages of single spaced bulleted list of insults slipped into his notes folder.

They get some good banter going, like always, and Shane gets to use a good 40% of his pre-written short jokes before Ryan realizes what’s going on and snatches the pages off his desk.

“You _just_ said he was average height,” Ryan says, panting, a crazed look in his eyes. “Five seven! Average!”

“ _Debatably_ average,” Shane responds mildly, “due to variances between French and British units. And besides, the point stands that I’m still sensing some similarities between him and a certain Californian who is, let’s say, overcompensating with aggression—”

“I will _kill you_ , Shane—”

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war_ **

“Fine,” Ryan says while they’re getting happy hour drinks after wrapping on the episode, “you win that one.”

Shane grins smugly at him. “You liked my witty and humorous Napoleon jokes?”

“Remember when I said I would kill you? I remember it quite vividly, for some reason. No, I just mean that overall, I think the fans are gonna like it.”

“Fine. You thought it was a good episode?”

“Adequate.”

Shane laughs. “It’s okay, you can say it. You think I’m a brilliant genius slash historian.”

“I really, really do not—”

“You should,” Shane says, his voice coming out just a little more serious than he meant it to. “You should.”

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo, promise to love you for ever more_ **

Ryan frowns at him. “Hey man,” he says, “seriously, you know I mock with love, right? I really do value your contributions to Unsolved or whatever.”

Shane groans and takes a large sip of his beer. “Yeah, no, I know,” he says. “It’s just that Unsolved really is _your_ show, and sometimes I remember that you’re kind of just letting me tag along during the meantime.”

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to_ **

“Dude, no,” Ryan says, aghast. “I couldn’t do Unsolved without you. Nobody would watch it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says, “ _obviously_. I _did_ do Unsolved without you, remember? And nobody fucking watched it.”

“I wouldn’t say nobody,” Shane says, laughing, “but you’re right. It’s just that I’m so much more handsome than Brent.”

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you_ **

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” Ryan mutters, “but—yeah. You are.”

“Ooh,” Shane says gleefully, “you think I’m _haaand_ -some!”

Ryan rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Shane. _You_ said you’re handsome. I’m just saying that I—ugh, I hate saying this—value you as a friend and cohost.”

“Thanks, Ry,” Shane says, and elbows him lightly. “I value you, too, and all that.  _And_ I think you’re handsome.”

“You—what?”

“Look, man, I’m not afraid to speak my truth. You’re a good-lookin’ guy! You’ve got a real symmetrical face, and I like that!”

“A symmetrical—you’re ridiculous, Shane, you know that?”

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo, finally facing my Waterloo_ **

“Yeah,” Shane says, “I know it.”

Sometimes these things happen in Shane’s life where it’s like his entire common sense, critical thinking, and judgement all go and take a nice long lunch somewhere, and instead of making rational, well-informed decisions he just—

Well—

Shane takes a deep breath, he tries to remember why this is a bad idea, he fails to remember why this is a bad idea, and he kisses Ryan.

♬♬♬

**_My, my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger_ **

“Whoa,” Ryan says, “dude, what was _that_?”

“That was me kissing you,” Shane says. “I sense now that this may have been a mistake.”

“Yeah,” Ryan says, “maybe just a little. Wait, no, don’t–don’t _leave,”_ but Shane is already standing up and making a beeline for the bar, waving half-heartedly at their empty glasses in explanation.

♬♬♬

**_Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight_ **

He returns with two fresh drinks, feeling a little more collected and in-charge of his brain, but no less embarrassed and flustered.

“Here,” he says, setting a glass down in front of Ryan, “and I’m seriously so sorry.”

“I don’t want you to apologize,” Ryan says, irritated, “I want you to explain.”

“There’s not much of an explanation,” Shane says. “I like you. You’re my extremely handsome, valued friend and co-worker. I thought maybe you would want to be more, but I guess not—”

“Oh,” Ryan cuts him off, “okay, yeah, no, that works for me.”

♬♬♬

**_And how could I ever refuse_ **

And then before Shane fully understands what’s going on, Ryan is kissing him back, leaning over the table to press their mouths together, softly at first and then opening his mouth and deepening the kiss until Shane’s head is spinning and he can tell that Ryan tastes like beer and popcorn.

“Really?” Shane says, when they come up for air. _“Really?”_

“Yeah, man,” Ryan says, “I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t doing some sort of bit.”

“What kind of pathetic bit would that be?” Shane asks. “The good-ol’, ‘make out with your bro’ bit, yeah that’s a real classic, ha ha, gets all the laughs—”

“Look, you never know,” Ryan says, and kisses him again.

♬♬♬

**_I feel like I win when I lose_ **

“Ha,” Ryan mumbles dazedly, several minutes later, “now you can never leave.”

“What?” Shane asks, confused.

“You know,” Ryan says, “the show. I’ve seduced you into staying forever.”

Shane laughs, but then he realizes that Ryan is actually serious.

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to_ **

Shane just looks at Ryan. “Hey. No. That's not it, that's not why I'm doing this, and it shouldn't be why you're doing this, either. We're a team. You know you’re never getting rid of me, right? Even without—this whole thing. I’m sticking around, no matter what.”

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo_ **

Ryan stares back, a crooked smile slowly spreading across his face. “Yeah,” he says, “I know.

♬♬♬

**_Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you_ **

 


End file.
